So we are in keswick, no pareticular reason apart from we thought it would be a nice place to break the journey up. A nice full service campsite was the plan so we could wash and get clean and have a pleasant journey back.

What we got was the traditional english welcome….

Campsite 1 : sucked their teeth when we arrived and said that their might be room on the overflow field. Both fields were on a hill and rammed full in a haphazard manner, they obviously had not been organised and had basically taken the money and left people to fend for themselves. Needless to stay we did not fancy nailing the tent to the edge of a cliff face so we tried next door.

Campsite 2 : big sign saying we were not welcome. Three adults constituted a group but because Glen is female they let us on ( actually campsite 1 was the same). Anyway they let us on (suspiciously a couple of quid cheaper than next door). The field (both sites had fields, they didn’t have pitches) was only a slight incline. Anyway under threat of being shut in the outside world (gate to the whole site, not just the campsite was barred at 10pm) we dared leave the site to sneak into keswick.

Keswick was packed due to a “mountian festival” apparently which did not help matters but we made it back with tea before the dreaded lockout. After tea we dared to try to get a shower. When we hiked over to the “facilities” block we then found out the showers required 50p coins to operate (for 3 mins), now this may sound picky but for £17 odd quid a night for camping in a field I don’t expect to then be price gouged at every opertunity, 50p for 3 mins shower 20p for 2 mins hairdryer (I am high maintainance after all) it all adds up. More so it is massively inconvient as you then have to collectivly come back to camp and then scrabble around for change etc, it is also indicative to how the english treat customers, it is just bleed people dry with a thousand little paper cuts while piling on the rules and stipulations and treating customers as a burden rather than paying guests.

Apologies for the rant but at the end of a long day when we have had such a wonderful time in scotland and been treated so well it really has made it more apparent.

I think Stu put it the best : “Welcome to England, have a smack in the face”, but remember to say thank you.

Stu: We have to be back by 1030pm or we will be locked out. Its like camping in Nazi Germany.

Stu: Glen you nearly stood on my bad toe, at least I’m wearing Crocs so there are holes to let the blood out.

Tig: that is the problem with having germans camping next door, they spoil the traditional british sport of casual racism and dodgy accents…

Tig: are you the acceptable face of modern casual racism?
Stu: no iam the acceptable face of modern sexism
Tig: I am the acceptable face of modern agism, it must be Glen

Glen: that train was really nice colours.
Stu (having just woken up): That will be the Monster Ripper working then.

Tig: we have had a message from Gordy
Stu and Glen: hurrah!

Tig: Glen, do you need the wokbeena to cuddle tonight?

Tig: We could have a bar meal provided they allowed us to eat outside… They couldn’t smell us then.

Strange man looking at landy rammed full of stuff: Do you sleep in there?
Stewie: No
Stewie ten mins later: Do we sleep in there? What, did he think we could get in there by osmosis?

Imagine the scene:
WHSmiths at South Lanark Services, Glenys is driving because my near toe amputation, she heads to the soft drinks stand and comes away with a can of drink. Monster Energy Drink. She turns to me and says “You started it!” When she gets in the car and I ask what type it is. She looks at me, quite manically, and just says “RIPPER”.
The next couple of hours will be entertaining with the driver on a heady cocktail of barely legal stimulants.
Now Tig and Glen are talking about making me go to the Pencil Museum. I don’t mind admitting I’m a bit scarred.
Help me please.
Stewey.

Now eating lunch in a supermarket carpark as too scared to leave landy. After beautiful scenery we have decided to sample the delights of alexandria. Stewie has been birdwatching and has already spotted the ‘attractive scottish afternoon pub bird’ and the ‘ fifteen year old single mum touting for some extra business to top up the child support bird’. The scenery is so startling the local pub ‘the pawn’ needs to brick all the windows up and the local drug dealer needs to patrol the outside. Tig is attempting to use the ‘asbo app’ to access quite the level of danger we are currently in. Stewie is trying to quickly assemble the solar colour changing butterfly in an attempt to blend in.

We made it to shore where we bumped into “Bornslippy” from Song of the paddle who kindly gave us a hand loading the mountain of kit back into the landy.

Now we are on our way heading south to find a campsite possibly in the lakes but we have all decided we need to stop somewhere for lunch

Gps running

Ok that rocked

We went to find the wallabies and we saw lots we found a small family group with a cuuuuuute baby joey, we also saw a large (presumably) male too. We managed to get some video but that will have to wait to be uploaded, the phone camera shots. Are not wonderful but we did have some proper cameras too. I expect the other pair to be uploadeding better shots as they have zooms on their phones

Glen: have you seen my rescue knife?
Tig : have you checked it is not sticking out of your leg?
Stu: that is along the lines of, have you seen my axe, oh it is in my foot…

Stu : we did burn the sock with the blood and the hole in it didn’t we?

Glen : I have found my knife
Tig : was it in your kill tech bag?
Glen : (testily) yes it was in my kill tech bag…

No wallabies yet we will have to trek inland…

Three canoists on a lake so massive
Went paddling on a lake so passive
They went to pitch camp
But the ground was damp
And the tent ended up looking flaccid